Whether our kids are unsure of themselves or brimming with confidence, it is useful to think about the way we connect with them through compliments.
I will include a link to a TED talk below, in which Cheryl Ferguson, a music teacher from Winnipeg in Canada who beams with enthusiasm for sharing what she has learned over many years inspiring individuals to buy into a common goal. If you have time I recommend making a cuppa and watching. She wraps around these three key points about compliments:
- USE THEIR NAME. And at a head level we know this, but we forget it’s connecting power and it slips out of our practice. It shows the listener we have slowed down and are being really deliberate with what we have to say.
- BE SPECIFIC. Think for yourself how different it is to have someone say “Great speech” compared with hearing “Oh wow, your speech was hilarious. That story about the time your dad lost his luggage made me giggle. I’d forgotten all about that. “
- ADD A QUESTION. Imagine after being complimented by someone who used your name, and then specifically noticed bits about the speech you made, if they also asked you “were you always such a confident and funny speaker?” Importantly, we can’t drop a question and then rush off. Choosing genuine questions will mean we will hang on the answer and give our bid for connection it’s best shot.
How aware are you of the way you compliment to connect?
If you have a child that you would like to connect with more meaningfully than you’ve been able to then let’s talk. I’m here to help.