Keep this strategy in mind for when you next need your child to immediately stop a behaviour.
Maybe they have just swatted a sibling and are heading in for another go….or they are edging towards doing something that will break something….you will have your own ‘usual suspects’ of behaviours I’m sure…..
USE YOUR BODY
Step in between your child and whatever they are moving in on.
Gently put your hand on them to keep them from doing what they are about to do.
USE YOUR EYES
Making eye contact with them brings their concentration and connection in towards you rather than whatever they had going on.
USE YOUR WORDS
Not as many words as you feel tempted to. Keep it to 5 words or under to keep your instruction super clear.
Eg – “You need to stop that” or “That’s not ok”
That’s all. Keep it short. Keep it kind. Then ‘zip it’ before you flood them.
Let the way you have warmly engaged them – and an air of you believing they will choose to follow the instruction -do the talking.
USE YOUR PATIENCE
Give them space to make the choice you want them to make.
USE YOUR OBSERVATION SKILLS
You many notice them at that point cry, struggle, scream
USE YOUR SELF-RESTRAINT
Fight your urge to do anything other than stay close.
Let them have the feeling and they will move through it quicker and quicker each time as they get more skilled in the area of self-regulating.
They can’t hear reason while they are escalated but their brain will be scanning for connected warmth.
Be as connected and as warm as that day you are able to be while holding to the limits and your closeness will anchor them.
If they re-start the behaviour repeat the process.
Setting limits this way takes time to find your groove with, but persist and over time you will yell less and be experienced more by your child as a safe harbour they can access when they feel all ‘out to sea’. You will spend less time disciplining and more time honestly feeling like you Love Parenting.
Would you like to talk this through with me in more depth? Get in touch. Let’s get you feeling as competent as heck with this process. www.loveparenting.com/enquire