The lime tree outside Love Parenting Studio is one of my favourite things to nurture.
There is such a direct correlation between me loving-in on it and it thriving and it giving back.
This is the last of this season’s limes, but it knows I am alongside it and it’s foliage is green, thick and glossy with baby limes already forming ready to use in the scratch and sniff exercise I love to use to land us into an in-person Parenting Reset session.
I love the analogy of a fruit tree for thinking about parenting and the relationships we have with our kids and partners.
So often in the busy-busy of life we get into a headspace of wanting the juicy fruit (‘good’ behaviour, fun times and the feeling of connection) from our family members with the minimal of effort tending to our ‘tree’.
That the fruit should just ‘happen’.
That if we do ‘good’ parenting now that we ‘deserve’ ‘good’ behaviour right then and there.
Nope. Doesn’t work like that.
The parents I spend time with who are most content, connected and sailing smooth have set their lives up in a way that affords ‘gardening’ time built-in in ways that works and feels good for them.
They have slowed things down and know that a slower pace with room for spontaneity and actively connecting-in works towards them feeling good and spending way less time de-escalating themselves and their kids down out of heightened states….. and puts them most usefully alongside their kids as they grow out into their bigger worlds.
We work together to continually consider ways they can meet their family members changing connection needs with small and large ‘prunes’, ‘fertilisings’, and ‘waterings’ that feel good from their end too.
A key part to this is working smarter not harder.
Working from their values and not from their ‘shoulds’.
Knowing their partner and youngster love languages.
Keeping their expectations of their ‘tree’ realistic.
Watching not to get overly attached to outcome.
Knowing that they are playing the long-game.
………………
How did you tend to your connections ‘tree’ this week in a way that you enjoyed doing that gardening?
Do more of that.